October Grace

I didn't feel like myself lately,
It feels like something is missing. 
Part of me is aching to find that something
which I don't even know where to begin.

It's fascinating yet excruciating,
to be able to feel all of it tremendously.
I'm left here all alone
with no one to hold on. 

Everything keeps on crumbling,
crushing and breaking. 
Who am I?
What am I searching? 

Life has been a lie,
and I don't know where to begin with.
For what I wanted now is to run,
but my legs wouldn't give in. 

The air in my lungs have long gone,
I can't properly breathe, 
sometimes it suffocates me,
choking me with reality.

It will hurt much more deeper,
cuts through slowly within ,
when silence is being said
but clearly,
the truth is in front to see.

But at the end, 
does it matter? 
Have the questions being answered?

Sometimes, I hate myself for feeling this way.
The truth will never be
as beautiful as I want it to be. 
Even lies will eventually turns ugly. 

But will I be able to let go of it?
Will I keep it as a burden in my heart?
Will I choose to drown myself 
and dwell in it?

Not many can do it.
Not many are able to go through it. 
People sometimes need someone 
who they can blame on.
It is easier like that.

But I need to do this.
To be able to let go 
the things that's been suffocating in my heart,
to be able to be free again, 
and live my life the way it is. 

Forgive.

23 May 2015, 3.55 a.m. 
-dz-

**Author's note: The poem is based upon a movie called "October Baby". The movie was released in 2012. Well, I thought that it was truly a deep and inspiring movie. Hence, it has inspired me to write a poem about it. <3

I Told You

I told you 
because I needed 
someone to talked to.

I told you 
because I needed 
to take this burden out
from my chest.

I told you 
because 
I trusted you.

Guess, I was wrong.

You betrayed 
what we had.

You betrayed 
the trust that I gave.

For another,
who is much more important.

For you,
I'm not that person
from the very beginning. 

12 June 2015, 3.57am
-dz-